You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
