first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
