No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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