I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
