dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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