Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
