why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize