Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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