Do you still have your period?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize