Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
