gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't put those talents on a resume
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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