dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
