Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
