you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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