I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
