Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
