Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
