when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I did not marry a roomba.
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