i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
