I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
