No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
