P.S. I can't hear my feet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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