I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
