A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
