She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize