and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
