did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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