"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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