I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
