That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
