Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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