there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
