I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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