Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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