it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
