I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
