Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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