do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
