found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
