Who wears a wallet chain?!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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