I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
