I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
