Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
