my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
