I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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