she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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