I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
