he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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