i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
