and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
