Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
