final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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