My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
