i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
