Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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