I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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