You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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