How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
