just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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