As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
