Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
