he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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