eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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