oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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