so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
