I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
