Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize