Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
