youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
