We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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