Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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