this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she peed on how many people?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
