We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
