Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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