Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
