Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
