Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
