She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
